The Rock of Gibraltar?

Banks portray themselves as unyielding bulwarks, steadfast guardians of the public trust, a pack o' toughs. But nothing could be further from the truth. Lenders are highly impressionable schizo's, one minute squeezing into a layup line of high risk, the next minute sprinting for the showers. Jostling like floor traders to hand out no-down, interest only loans; and then, when they might grab a little market share by assuming a tad more calculated risk, recoiling into a Kafka-esqe labyrinth of underwriting.

Here's a few recent loan processor requests:
1. A nine-month paper trail of gift monies passed from mother to daughter (in addition to the standard gift letter, 'I'm the buyer's mom, I coughed up the dough', and a couple account statements).
2. An appraisal of incidental items included in a property sale (i.e., a clothes washer and lawn chairs).
3. A performance evaluation letter from a buyer's employer. (A tad invasive, eh?)
4. A significantly higher down payment from a multi-millionaire, multi-property owner, because of a vacancy in a six-unit complex. ("I've never missed a payment in 11 years on 11 mortgages," the buyer protested, "and you think I'm going to default over an unrented $600 a month studio?!")

"They're running scared," one mortgage consulted opined, "they'll take Fannie Mae's automated underwriting model, and then add conditions on top." Another mortgage professional concurred, "lenders are trying to shut the barn door, but the horses are already out."

I always thought 'by the book' was a good idea, until the book became Remembrance of Things Past.