No Club to Join

Here's my latest sales pitch: experienced buyer/seller agent available for assignment, no club to join.

I can't even buy a measly tube of toothpaste without bothering over some plastic strip. I've so many club cards they've outgrown my wallet. A few retailers request a phone number instead--preferable, but still sometimes confusing. Might the account list the home number, or the cell number, the office number or the wife's cell number?! "Fuck, just give me the discount," I once blared, "and don't make me feel like a profligate loser!" A cluster of pancake-sized Guatemalan ladies, also in line, shook their heads in disapproval.

So that's it, no club to join, no cancellation fees, no contracts (unless it's a listing of course), no junk mail, no outsourcing. Lots of opinions....Hmmm, maybe that's where I've gone wrong.