Mail Bag Part One

These come courtesy of my incensed neighbors. You'd be incensed too if your neighborhood was being targeted by slumlords. Yours is as well? Never mind.

Display number one:


Check out the dog! Faintskin's got himself a vaguely ethnic honey and a purebred. Now I love dogs, I'm a shepherd man myself, but I've had rottis and all kinds of mixes come through my yard. Still, I just want to sock that dog in the nose.





Display number two:



Here's a pitch from some vulgarian bunch with a quasi-governmental moniker. Could've fooled me.




"Cash offer on your table within 48 hours."
Cash offer on your table.

I called. Of course I did, my wife was at work.

"Can I have cash on my table," I asked.

"Can I have cash on my dresser," I persisted.


"Can I have cash on my beautiful built-in buffet that you'll likely tear out?"

The call ended. I didn't get the cash but I've still got my people skills.